How to Tidy With Kids
It’s spring break week here in Houston, which means kids are home tearing rooms apart and demanding snacks, which they will litter throughout the house. My main client this week wanted to declutter her storage unit rather than her home, because kids can slow the process down. I completely agree, and I personally feel like cleaning at all when kids are home is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Sorting like items together helps children create a cohesive world for imaginative play, and simplifies cleanup.
So how do we keep a tidy home when we have kids?
When it comes to decluttering and releasing items with gratitude, Marie Kondo believes age three is when a child should be making their own decisions about what gets to stay in their space. It’s entirely possible she is correct, and her children are logical and discerning individuals. Far be it from me to contradict Our Lady of Tidying, but my children do not make the best decisions when it comes to tidying or just about anything else. I have one child who wears wool ski socks all summer long, for crying out loud.
Yesterday a fellow consultant reached out for my take on tidying toys, and I gave her advice based on personal experience, both with clients and at home. All kids are different, with different attachments to items and different dynamics with parents, so here are the three options I presented to my friend:
Marie’s Way. Bring out every toy and have your child decide what stays. The rest go to donations or trash. For an adult, you steer the process toward efficiency and eliminating duplicates, which may or may not work for your child.
Minimalist’s Way. Without the child, parents pack away anything they deem underused or broken into boxes. Boxes are moved out of sight, like into the garage or attic. If the child asks for a specific toy, their parent can bring it back, but the child can’t dig through the boxes. Anything that isn’t requested after three months gets donated. (Minimalists call this a Packing Party).
Kat’s Way. I don’t want to take away toys that mean something to my child. I’m not in the business of breaking hearts. But I am also tasked with keeping my home tidy all by myself, so I get to decide what is manageable. Plus, I have three children. I can’t let everyone keep every broken sticky toy they’ve ever gotten from a birthday party gift bag. So, I let my children decide, with clear boundaries. I give each kid a tub or a couple bins, and tell them to go through their toys and put keepers inside. The lids must fit cleanly on the containers. For the most part, I insist that toys be put away (except for display pieces like LEGO builds) so everything needs an appropriate home. Inevitably, a child will ask for more storage options, but I remind them they have lot of space, and if there’s no room for a new toy, it’s time to release an old one we don’t use.
Even though my kids have always lived in a tidy home, we still have trouble keeping everything in check. New toys flood into the house from relatives every holiday season, and sometimes sorting for donations means rediscovering an item they now passionately want to play with, even though it had never been touched before.
My 10 year old son’s drawer, which he was excited to show me while putting away his laundry using our Marie Kondo File Fold. Even he admits it’s easier to find his favorite sweats when they are all upright.
For my children, reminding them that a toy they don’t use might bring joy to a child who doesn’t have much is really helpful. They don’t want to think of their gifts as garbage, so setting the expectation that intact toys can go to a new family makes them feel more comfortable.
Some kids get really into tidying, especially if their pretend play had felt confined before, and now suddenly there is open space to create. Some kids are naturally more chaotic and really struggle to clean up or put away toys. Some feel good about donating, and some appreciate the logical argument to make space for what they love and release what is just stuff.
Whatever approach you land on will be determined both by you and by your child. It can be a struggle, don’t get me wrong, but giving options within boundaries can be a happy medium between complete freedom and total deprivation.
When you hit a wall, call a Consultant. Working with children is part of our training, and some kids respond better to a patient third party than a parent. You can sit back and drink your coffee while we work through the mountain of toys, and that will spark joy for you.
